Starting Anew

In more than one sense. Not only do I hope to return to blogging more regularly, but I hope to write more than I ever have about the topics that have engaged me since I became a mother almost 7 years ago. I'm also literally starting over as a mother, as I'm expecting my 3rd child any day now. I haven't had a baby in almost 4 years, so I've got a lot to relearn!

Still, I have been feeling a real desire to reach out and share what I've learned, what I'm doing, what I'm thinking about and to see how to send these experiences and thoughts into a larger domain, where I can both give and receive support, especially in my homeschool/unschool journey. Nothing has been more transformative in my life than my decision to become a mother who intends to opt out of the mainstream educational path. I'm passionate about this path, while at the same time muddling to figure out exactly where the path is leading us as a family.

I will likely ramble at first as I search to find my voice and the topics that most engage/interest me. If you're here, thank you. If you want to know what I need most, it's just kindness and support as I return to writing after a very long hiatus. I'd also love to hear your experiences and thoughts if you feel so inclined. This is a bit scary to begin again, so I appreciate your patience as I loosen the rust and attempt to return to this space on a regular basis.

Thanks, and lots of love.
Tiffany

I Don't Know What You Should Do

Because I don't know what I should do half the time. 

It feels disingenuous of me to come here today and give you advice on how to live blissfully.

I don’t like giving the impression that things for me are smooth sailing, that I’ve got it all figured out, and I never have any struggles. Or that I know what’s best for you. That I’m, like, enlightened or something. (Ha!)

Because the last few months have been harder on me than I care to publicly admit. Yet, I think I’ll do just that, but in a careful way.

I’m suspicious of blogs that air all the dirty laundry, or just talk about how hard everything is, and it amounts to a big dose of voyeurism and spleen venting and not a whole lot of what’s edifying and inspiring and hopeful.

I read a lot of mommy blogs now that I’m a mama, and there are two main camps: the “oh I can’t take it anymore, this is so HARD!” blogs, and the “life is perfect, my children are perfect, here’s how to be like me!” blogs. I really don’t like the former (even if they’re funny, which they often are, but it seems to be cynical humor), and while I’m drawn to the latter (like I’m drawn to pretty magazine spreads in Martha Stewart Living or what have you), I feel a little bit deflated after I read them, I feel a little bit of confusion about why someone else’s life seems so much more polished or put together than mine does. I’m often left wondering what they have that I don’t.

That’s why when I found a blog called Momastery that shares just enough of what’s real and authentic about motherhood—the daily struggles, the big love, the confusion and the joy—and also what she hopes for, what she believes in and what motivates her to keep going when things are difficult, that I knew I’d found a better model for what I’d like to do here at Gimme Bliss.

It’s been so important for me to accentuate the positive, as the song goes, because I firmly believe that my purpose in life is to bring light and vitality to the world and honor my spirit and yours, for that matter. The only way I can do that here is to write in a way that offers hope and a pathway to peace. Where I’ve been perhaps falling down, though, is in unwittingly presenting to you that the hope and the path to peace come easily for me, or spontaneously.

I’m so reluctant to share the darker moments and the bigger struggles out of a fear that I’ll either reveal too much about myself to a judging, aggressive world, or that I’ll spend too much time in wallowing and depress everyone.

But I think I’ve got some useful models about how to move forward in a way that feels authentic and retains integrity.

My goal is that when you come to visit me here, you’ll find a peer with a very normal life who just happens to be very interested in pursuing the big questions of life in a way that guides me to greater peace, a greater awareness of the bliss out of which our world arises. I am interested in unveiling my awareness—removing the obstacles to greater peace—and by writing about it, my hope is to share a path that is not so much an example as it is an inspiration. After all, everyone’s path is personal, so mimicry will not help.

But, just as those mamas who write about what’s best about motherhood, and what keeps them hopeful during the hardest times, so I hope to demonstrate that a normal life, with its unique struggles and joys, can benefit immensely from a quest to live more blissfully, and with a greater experience of peace. 

Thank you for joining me here. I deeply appreciate each of you.

Love to you all,

Tiffany

Find Your Sacred Place

I've been toying a lot lately with the idea of committing to a consistent meditation practice. I know I need one: a place of stillness and peace where I practice awareness and breath and just sitting and *being* for a few minutes every day. I do have a regular yoga practice, but while complementary and integrated, they are not one in the same.

I've been returning to Joseph Campbell again lately, as he is the one voice who, for me, can cut through all the clutter and noise and remind me how to return to what is highest, truest and timeless. I found this exchange in "The Power of Myth" the other day, and it has given me new motivation to find my sacred spot in the day where I can meditate and fill my cup.

Bill Moyers: You write in The Mythic Image about the center of transformation, the idea of a sacred place where the temporal walls may dissolve to reveal a wonder. What does it mean to have a sacred place? 

Joseph Campbell: This is an absolute necessity for anybody today. You must have a room, or a certain hour or so a day, where you don't know what was in the newspapers that morning, you don't know who your friends are, you don't know what you owe anybody, you don't know what anybody owes to you. This is a place where you can simply experience and bring forth what you are and what you might be. This is the place of creative incubation. At first you may find that nothing happens there. But if you have a sacred place and use it, something will eventually happen. 

Doesn't that sound exciting?

Here's to each of us finding our sacred place, and experiencing "what you are and what you might be."

Peace,
Tiffany

p.s. What ideas do you have for where or when your sacred place might be? How will you commit to being there each day? Since I'm serious about finding this, I'll post an update on how I've made this happen in my life.

You Must Save Your Life

And sometimes, a poem just sums it all up.

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

© Mary Oliver. Online Source

Welcome Your Inner Critic

You know that sneering voice I described in my last post? The inner critic who tries to keep me from reaching for big projects and exciting adventures and, basically, success?

While practicing yoga on Sunday, I had a realization.

Shunning that critic—trying to keep her out of my head through force--isn’t the way to lose the negativity she brings. In fact, I should welcome her into my head, invite her in for a cup of tea and a little sit.

Might she still be nasty? (“This tea is terrible, and I hate your couch. Oh, and look at all this dog hair! Tsk-tsk!”) Yes, she still might be. Do I have to listen to her? No, I don’t. But kicking her out and pulling the door shut as she bangs on it with her fist and tries to push her way in? What a lot of wasted energy that would be better spent elsewhere.

Instead of trying to deny her access, what if I was just nice to her? What if I had compassion for her obvious pain and suffering? What if she was just doing the best she could?

I don’t know that I’d change her, or win her over, but maybe, eventually, she’d settle back a little more comfortably on the sofa. Maybe she’d ignore the dog hair and even realize that the tea wasn’t that bad. Maybe she’d find a book on the coffee table and pick it up--busy herself with something she found interesting, that allowed her to take her mind off her troubles. Maybe, at the very least, she’d be quiet and at peace for a while.

My realization is this: That nasty inner voice is part of me. She’s like that because she’s scared, angry, defensive. She’s a little girl who didn’t know what to do when her world and the people in it were more than she could bear, and when she grew up, this was the best she could do. Her coping with all that early chaos doesn’t serve me or other people any more, but it’s a habit. What she really needs is a safe place where she can unpack everything, feel safe and have a cup of tea and someone who won’t yell at her.

So that’s what I’m going to do. The next time she walks into my head and tries to make me feel low and terrible and worthless, I’m not going to shoo her away. I’m going to ignore her ravings, wrap my arm around her shoulder and say, “Oh, you poor dear. You look cold and hungry. Why don’t you come in and have a cup of tea?”

Relax Your Mental Spam Filter (and Contemplate a Dream)

Last night I had the most vivid dream. I had been selected as a grant winner to write a children’s book. It was enough money to take a month or two off of freelance work and just be immersed in the creative process. Other than that the book had something to do with the ocean and ships -- I don’t remember too many more details, but I remember how I felt.

I felt as though I was being recognized for a talent I knew I had but had been afraid to engage. Nearly everyone was effusive in their praise (except someone shadowy, but I’ll get to that). More than anything, I felt like in acknowledging this award and accepting it, I was at home. More at peace and more serene than at any other time in my life. Like I was a key finding my lock, a puzzle piece clicking into the final empty space. Like I was being allowed to fulfill my potential.

As for that shadowy figure: I was aware of jealous, critical eyes, too. Surrounded by happiness and supportive people, I felt a dark presence that dismissed the award. “What, she got it? Oh, please!” it seemed to say. This person was full of unkindness toward the award and toward me, and essentially told me I didn’t deserve it. That someone else had been robbed, and that it seemed to be fixed. That I hadn’t earned it.

Upon reflection, I’m certain that sneering person was me. My inner critic. The one who keeps me afraid and holding back and procrastinating on all my big dream projects. The one who tells me to not shoot too high, and to stick with what I can get. With what people will just give me. Don’t ask for anything too good, she says, you don’t deserve it. And if some good thing should come your way? Don’t get too proud, you aren’t that special. And if you’re too good at something, watch out -- you’ll alienate people, and no one will like you.

I think dreams often have vital information. They’re the e-mails our subconscious is desperately trying to send to the already stuffed inbox of the conscious self. Could you dismiss them as spam from the wacky boiler room of your head? I suppose so. And sometimes they certainly seem to be undecipherable weirdness. But this one (and a few others I’ve listened to over the years) have had such resonant, lingering feelings that they are impossible to dismiss, even if they are hard to tease out.

The dream above is not one of those, obviously. It did take a little bit of reflection to know that the negative presence wasn’t someone external, but the critic and negative self-talker that takes up way too much space in my head.

Does that mean I’m going to start writing a book now? (I’m actually surprised by the fact that it indicated a children’s book, since I’ve never seriously contemplated writing one. Or maybe I have – subconsciously!)

Actually, maybe I will. Something tells me this is one of those dreams you listen to. I had a dream about starting this blog—even the name came to me in a dream—and it’s been a vital project in my life, even with my occasional sabbaticals.

I had a dream about knowing it was time to have a baby, and while I have never been busier or more sleep deprived, I can say without a doubt that he is the greatest blessing of my entire life. I was ready for a baby, and I’m so very, very glad he’s here.

I know that one doesn’t eject the nasty inner critic in one evening, but something about the dream above clarified things for me. I may have intellectually known that I had a destructive, sabotaging inner voice, but the dream was the only way I could have felt how damaging the voice is, and how right and perfect I am when I’m engaging my talents to their fullest potential.

Since I can’t know whether this dream will steer me in a new path until some time has passed, I don’t have too much advice. Just a suggestion to allow your most vivid dreams a chance to open up and show you something important that you might be missing.

If nothing else, maybe it’s a good idea to loosen up the mental spam filter and let something that seems kind of wacky or out there into a space where it can gain a bit of traction and legitimacy. And hey, who knows? Maybe it’ll be the newest priority on your to-do list.

Simple Analysis for Everyday Life

There is a fundamental, primary skill that I believe every human being should possess, if he or she is to avoid as much suffering and anguish as possible.

It is a skill based in intellect, and I observe that it has never been taught to most of my fellow humans.

The fancy term for this skill is rhetorical analysis. Though I've taught a rhetorical analysis unit at the University of Arizona, I'm hardly an expert. But I did see the effect that learning this skill had on my students, which I'll get to in a minute. For now, I'll summarize what this skill does.

Essentially, when you hear a speech, or an opinion, or see an advertisement or look at almost anything containing text, symbols or a "message," you do not accept it uncritically. What I mean by this is that before you metaphorically consume something, you evaluate it--a "sniff" test, if you will.

With this skill in practice, you should be able to determine what someone is *really* saying, what they are trying to convince you to do, whether they are telling the truth or using bad logic or an appeal to your emotions, and whether you want to accept the premise and argument as sound.

In school, you ask these questions, but they are good for life, too. My students, whom I mentioned earlier, entered my class largely willing to believe what they heard or saw. They accepted speeches as factual, arguments as persuasive, and advertisements as effective. While this makes life seem smooth and easy, it results in a person being deceived, and worse, acting according to the deception much of the time.

Poor rhetorical analysis in a targeted audience is the dream of every marketer, politician, scam artist and intellectual fraud.

The good news is that you don't have to be a victim of these hucksters. The good news is that you can ask them questions, and work to uncover facts and realities and motivations, all of which allow you to live a more conscious, intentional life. And this is what I saw in my students. Once they could penetrate the smoke and the veils, they were awakened to how often they were being lied to, defrauded, convinced to behave contrary to their true principles. Indeed, this kind of analysis often helps reveal to you what your true principles are.

Like my students, I used to be far more willing to uncritically accept what was hurled my way. And life was easier, in that I didn't feel as though I had to think as much about what people told me. I trusted.

But that trust was given to the undeserving, and while you might consider me naive and blameless, I might argue that my ignorance and participation in the charade had no good excuse and in fact caused harm.

So, what I recommend to you all is to ask the questions. Chances are your emotions have already been telling you things seem off, but can't tell you the full story. Adding this kind of analysis to the messages around you will bestow on you a clarity of thought that cannot be bought or even valued. This is priceless, and essential.

For me, there is a transparency to the world and its actors, and it is a burden lifted. Someone is lying to me or using bad logic? Why trouble myself over her efforts? Someone wants me to buy something, but now I can ask myself if I want it or if they want me to want it. I can protect myself from a lot of negative actions--both others' and my own--just by taking a few moments to penetrate the rhetoric.

So what are the basic questions? This is my list for getting started:

1. Who is the messenger, and what is his credibility or authority?
2. Who is the message intended to reach? In other words, who is the targeted audience?
3. What does the message hope to achieve? To inform, persuade, motivate, enrage, etc.?
4. How is the message constructed? In other words, does it use facts, emotional appeals, logic, comparison, etc.?
5. What is the message? In other words, what is the argument or thesis?

There can be more to it, of course, and one can go deeper into a message, but if you feel like you need clarity in your thinking, these five questions are a fine place to begin.

Bliss Follower: Lyle Lovett

This photo is from today's Austin American-Statesman, credit to Michael Wilson. I think it's important to find people living their purpose right now, doing what they're meant to do. I think it's important to identify them as role models.

I suppose most artists able to make a living are following their bliss, but it was the way Lovett put it in this interview, the way he described his life and his passion, that so arrested me. I'll share a portion of his interview with the Statesman's Brad Bucholz below:

Lovett: You hear people talk about (how) their work really isn't their life, (how) they're able to leave their work behind at the office and have a life separate from their work. But if you have to segment your life in that way to deal with the different components... (a long, measured pause) I can understand it; there's nothing wrong with it. But in my case, when you spend 8 to 12 hours a day doing something you like, you don't punch out. And you never want to.

Statesman: Sounds a little bit like the Joseph Campbell axiom of "follow your bliss." Rather than pursuing a career, or undertaking a profession, you say, "I want to invest my days in something that has meaning to me, and have work and life intersect as one."

Lovett: The thing I've gotten from this is, "Everything you do is important." Every day you spend is kind of it. When you're younger, you look forward in a way that keeps you from being fully able to appreciate the moment in the time you're in. I got my record deal when I was 26. My first record came out when I was 28. (And I remember thinking), at the time, "Maybe this record will lead to..." or "If we do well with this, then..." But as you get older, you're more able to appreciate each thing you do as a unique experience -- which enables you to mroe fully explore, and enjoy, what's happening right now."

One of the things I've always wondered about is the desire to retire. When I'm writing, and things are going really well, I don't want to ever give it up. I can't imagine ever stopping. What the heck would I do with myself? If I stopped wanting to write, that would mean I was dead. So Lovett's words about never wanting to punch out really hit it on the head.

Find that feeling--that flow, that satisfaction--and keep making your way toward the life you know you should be living. That life awaits you--don't keep it waiting.

How to Get Out of Your Own Way

As a teacher of creative writing, I always ask why people want to write. After all, it's not the easiest and certainly not the most lucrative pursuit. I always worry when someone answers me thusly: "To express myself." If the student is young or particularly naive about the satisfactions of writing or pursuing any artistic endeavor, I take heart. If the student is older and should know better, I worry.

Why? Because after a certain point in your life, you realize that gratifying the ego is, for the most part, a treacherous path to be on. When you pursue work, possessions and relationships as a means of making yourself feel important, something negative happens. What is that something? I've observed that things begin to fall apart--living a life for yourself just doesn't hold together. It's as though the things achieved have been gained through the wrong reasons, and so any hold is like one stuck with the wrong glue.

Now, this is not to say that you--as a unique personality with something to share--may not come through in your art, or work or relationship. But the paradox is that the only way you can truly come through is by thinking first of serving others as you pursue your goals.

When I was a young, geeky girl, hopelessly uncool and in love with books, I found that writers--and other artists, but writers especially--spoke to me in such a life-affirming, soul-saving way. I felt a boundless gratitude that someone had taken the time and made the effort to write these books that spoke to me, that taught me, that comforted me. When I first realized that I had been blessed with the ability to write, my intention in writing was to reach people who needed me, as I had needed the authors I read.

If you are not already conceiving of your bliss as something with responsibility and as a means to serve others, then you need to figure out why you want what you want. If you think you want something because it will make you happy, it will not. In fact, it may even torture you. But the brilliant, simple and amazing thing about serving others is this: When you stop worrying about your own happiness, but engage your gifts to serve, you are suddenly most likely to get on the right path and succeed at it. In a sense, you really just need to get out of your own way.

If you think of using your unique gifts as a means of vitalizing the world, of making a difference in your sphere of influence, congratulations--you're on the right track.

If, however, you think: if only I could write my novel, then I would be happy--no. Just as it is flawed to believe that getting married will make you happy, believing that achieving your goals is about making you happy will also not work.

In yoga, it is a common practice to dedicate your efforts to someone or some ideal--something beyond your own benefit and gratitfication--as a means to find extra inspiration, to draw on hidden resources. Imagine who or what you can dedicate yourself to serving with your gifts--whether it's the young nerdy girl in the library, or whether it's the folks who enjoy the sensory pleasure of a lovingly crafted beer--and you will stop serving your ego and start serving something much, much better.

Language Day: What People Say When They Talk

So, as I've mentioned before, I teach a fiction writing class at the University of Texas Informal Classes program. One of the things you look at when critiquing a story is the dialogue.

One of the mistakes new or inexperienced writers make is to create dialogue that is essentially a Q&A format. So, for example:

"Did you have a good day at work?" she asked.
"It was okay. Nothing much happened," he said. "How about yours?"
"The same. A few meetings, pointless chit chat--the usual."

While this may be an accurate rendition of the brain dead conversation that takes place after a day of slogging it out with your fellow cube monkeys, this isn't the dialogue most people want to read, and it certainly isn't the speech to pay attention to.

A better way to write dialogue is to have the characters talk past each other--essentially having their words slide right over each other, creating friction and heat. To illustrate:

"Did you have a good day at work?" she asked.
"Who cares. I'm here now. What are we having for dinner?"
"Tacos. Did you know Lucas's art teacher called me today?"
"Why? Did he get caught drawing boobs or something?"

When you look at dialogue like this, so much more is revealed. She asks a simple question, but we do not get a simple conversation. Suddenly we see that he would rather stick hot pokers in his eyes than discuss work, and that he's hungry. She isn't concerned with the menu, but brings up their son. He presupposes his kid is in trouble for something, not really paying attention to what she might have to say.

What's the point of all this? Agendas. Every person, at every moment, wants something. Even if he/she doesn't know it. You're desperately hungry, but your spouse wants you to look at the stack of mail. Conflict. You want to ask someone out, but they want someone else. Conflict. Oftentimes, we become so immersed in our own wants and agendas that we are unaware of what other people are saying or doing.

To which I suggest: Listen to the words people use when they talk to you. Not only will you learn a lot about the other person, but you may learn a lot about the way they view you.

I once had someone apologize to me thusly: "I'm sorry you got upset." Look at that carefully. Not, "I'm sorry I upset you," but that you were upset. Almost no responsibility taken there, and not much of an apology, is it? And it's all in how the words are arranged.

When you ask someone how they're doing and they say, "Fine," you know right away whether that's the truth or not. If they're the kind of person who always does this, there's no intimacy there, and they may not ever be willing to tell you much.

Listen also to the conversations around you. Analyze the way people choose their words and try to figure out what each person wants from the conversation. I find that going to coffee shops and listening to people on cell phones is great for this.

By paying attention to what people are really saying to you when they talk, you can get a much better sense of where you stand with people and the sort of folks they are. You may find that people you talk to on a regular basis aren't saying much, or aren't giving you the respect you deserve. If you find this is the case, ask yourself why, and then look at the way you speak to others.

Think of this as an exercise in tuning up your bullshit detector. Once you can recognize it, you can avoid stepping in it and/or generating your own. Conversely, once you recognize (and practice!) genuine, honest speech, and especially the kind that's supportive and generous, you will find your true allies in your quest to find your life's purpose.

Follow Your Bliss and Save the World

As you consider making a change in your life, you may have the thought that doing so is selfish, or useless, or unimportant. After all, if becoming a craft brewer is what you have dreamed of doing for years, it hardly seems like curing cancer.

And yet. And yet, the positive force of doing what you love, what you are uniquely suited to do, is important in and of itself. The presence of a completely alive person in the world, no matter the occupation, does so much more for the world than sleepwalking through your life, miserable, barely present, unengaged with the people and places around you.

By following your passion, you become a vitalizing force in the world, which the world always needs more of.

Mythology scholar Joseph Campbell had this to say in The Power of Myth:

Campbell: My general formula for my students is "Follow your bliss." Find where it is, and don't be afraid to follow it.

Moyers: Is it my work or my life?

Campbell: If the work that you're doing is the work that you chose to do because you are enjoying it, that's it. Buf if you think, "Oh, no! I couldn't do that!" that's the dragon locking you in.

Moyers: In this sense, unlike heroes such as Prometheus or Jesus, we're not going on our journey to save the world but to save ourselves.

Campbell: But in doing that, you save the world. The influence of a vital person vitalizes, there's no doubt about it. The world without spirit is a wasteland. People have the notion of saving the world by shifting things around, changing the rules, and who's on top, and so forth. No, no! Any world is a valid world if it's alive. The thing to do is to bring life to it, and the only way to do that is to find in your own case where the life is and become alive yourself.

So many people worry that what they want to do might seem stupid or insignificant to someone else. First off, I say, so what? Who cares what some jackass thinks? And second, I say, well, it depends on context. I spent two years earning an MFA in Fiction, which to most of the people I work with now seems totally stupid and like a waste of time, but to the people I studied with, and to me, even today, writing fiction is one of the best uses of my time. Do I care what my coworkers think about fiction? Nope. It's frustrating sometimes, but writing fiction is true and real for me, and so I try to seek out like-minded people who share my passion.

Don't worry about being a lawyer or a doctor or a Ph.D. Find what can revive your spirit, and throw yourself into that. Even if it's brewing your own beer. I think we can all agree that there are times when a really great beer seems to be the only redeeming thing about the world. And what would we do if no one cared to do it?

I shudder to think. So find your thing and do it well. The world you save may be your own.


Related posts:
Bliss is in Your Nature
What Is Bliss?

Language Day: Word Origins and Bliss

Wednesday is language day at Gimme Bliss, and today I want to talk about word origins. Last week, I wrote about the need to be specific in language, which helps you articulate what it is you want to say to yourself and to others.

One way to achieve this is to examine the origins and evolution of words, a field known as etymology. (No, not bugs.) Basically, etymology examines the first known appearance of a word, its original meaning, and how it has changed over time.

If you're a word nerd like me, you'll love this stuff. Even if you think words are for email and talking and anything beyond that is for Scrabble freaks or bookworms, you can still get something out of delving a little deeper.

First, here are some etymology resources:

1. The Online Etymology Dictionary
2. Dictionary of Word Origins by John Ayto
3. Chambers Dictionary of Etymology

(The first is a fine place to begin, though not extensive; the second is a very thorough, user-friendly guide of over 8,000 words; the last is a beautiful beast that covers over 25,000 words, and is probably only for the most zealous.)

So, how can knowing the history of a word bring you to your bliss? Well, sometimes we forget that words contain multitudes. We speak quickly, skim emails, don't stop to think that words are tiny, portable antiques with all the richness and patina of their travels through history. (Well, maybe not ginormous, but I digress. And besides, ginormous might be considered quite formal in 2752.)

For example, did you know that the word deer once was the Old English word for 'animal'? Or that villain once simply meant 'farmer'? Probably not. After all, why would you worry about what people who have been dead for 600 years thought a word meant? Well, you certainly wouldn't want to worry about it every day, but in times of contemplation, it might be instructive, helpful, even encouraging to know what the big idea words--bliss, courage, bravery, passion--hold within them.

Courage has the root for 'heart' within it. Bliss carries the Germanic meaning 'gentle, kind' as its source. Bravery has at its root the senses 'uncivilized, savage, wild.' The word passion originally meant 'suffering.'

So basically, if you follow your bliss, you are a gentle, yet uncivilized, suffering heart. Well, who wouldn't sign up for that job description?

Kidding aside, you realize, if you are on this journey, that following your bliss might make you less angry. When you no longer are behaving inauthentically, you might be less prone to snap at people, flip them off in traffic. If you pursue your dreams with courage, it makes sense that you are first and foremost leading with your heart. If you are bravely pursuing a conscious life, you are likely on the outer edge of societal acceptance, seeming a bit wild and uncivilized to the more conventional around you. And when you have found your passion, you probably recognize you must make sacrifices to obtain it, and that its attainment will not be without struggle and heartache.

It makes a little more sense now, doesn't it?

Pursue any words that keep recurring to you. If you are pondering why you are so afraid to take the leap, look up the word fear. (Originally meaning 'danger, peril'.) If you are at what feels like rock bottom, look up despair. (Etymologically, 'lack of hope.')

You get the picture. Once you have a handle on the words that describe your feelings, your situation, you gain an appreciation for the forces working with and against you, and suddenly, you have a better sense of how to harness and deflect these forces. In other words, know thine friends and thine enemies.

Yes, they're just words, but the proverb "The pen is mightier than the sword" would not carry the weight it still does if there was not force and power and history behind them.

Related posts:
Better Living Through Editing

Better Living Through Editing

I'm going to try to make Wednesday "Language Day" on Gimme Bliss. I'm a writer, and Wednesdays are the days I teach a fiction writing class, so I'm already thinking about how to make language more precise, more elegant, more straightforward.

I've taught a lot of university-level writing classes now, from English Composition 101 to Rhetoric to Fiction. What I've learned over the course of several years of analyzing and evaluating other people's writing is that there is an amazingly direct correlation between the clarity of a person's written language and the clarity of that person's thoughts. When I first began teaching, this came as a huge surprise to me. As someone who has always had a fairly easy time articulating what I mean, I never realized what a huge problem this was.

What I was happy to learn from my students was that clarity in writing (and therefore clarity in logic and thinking) could be taught. I will give you some tips to start clearing the fog of thinking that comes from foggy writing, which, I believe, will serve anyone on the path to finding their bliss. After all, if your thoughts are not clear to yourself, much less anybody else, what hope can you have of trusting yourself and your instincts when the time comes to take the leap and make a decision?

First, though, let me explain why it is I think these two things really are connected. Basically, we take for granted that words are abstract entities representing things. I mean, after all, they're just little black marks, and there's no real reason the word for a teapot isn't "balopta." Hell, it might be in some other language. The point is, our words are arbitrary signifiers, but that doesn't mean that they don't mean anything. On the contrary, the only way for you and I to talk about teapots is to have a word we agree means "teapot." We run into a problem, then, when people don't use words correctly, or when they use words that are so broad as to be difficult to interpret. Watch this clip of Miss South Carolina for an example of this that may shatter your faith in our education system. (Sample: "I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future.")

If you're sitting across from someone at teatime (apparently I'm fancying a little British scene in my head today), and they say, "Pass the thingy," and there's a teapot and a creamer and a sugar dish, you have no idea what to pass, do you? So you ask for clarification. And they may say, "the white thingy," in which case you have to go back and forth or resort to pointing. Gestures of course are why we can get away with being so much less precise in speech than we can in writing, where there's no one there to explain what is trying to be expressed.

Obviously, this method is not only terribly inefficient, but frustrating, not only to the person trying to figure out what you mean, but really ultimately to you, too. If only you could get what you want! If only that person who wants to help you could understand what you want! And so it would be helpful to you too, to be as specific and precise as possible, and say, "Pass the teapot."

Now of course this is a somewhat exaggerated example, and an overly simplistic one. But I think you see the point. Our words, especially our written words, and especially when we are communicating with someone we can't see face-to-face, help us to express what we want and then get what we want. That can be a physical thing, like the teapot, or it can be an abstract thing.

Instead of saying, "I want my life to improve in all aspects"--much too broad and overwhelming!--think of specific things in your life that you'd like to change. Get almost absurdly specific. So, "I'd like to have at least 30 minutes of time to read a novel, three times a week." Or instead of, "I'd like to fall in love," try, "I'd like to meet someone who is also interested in French New Wave cinema." Then all you have to do is find out when your local film society is showing a Truffaut film, and show up. It's a given that the people there will be interested, and some of them will be single, so voila! Strike up a conversation with someone and whether you fall in love or not, at least you are having fun, exploring your own interests and meeting people you might like to know.

The more specific you get with your language, the more you will be able to express--to yourself as well as to others--what it is you mean, what it is you want, and who it is you are.

I'll return to this topic of language again, but for now I'll leave you with a list of tips for writing and thinking more clearly:

1. Get specific. See above, but really, get so specific it's almost laughable. Leave no room for doubt.
2. Avoid cliches and phrases you've heard before. If it sounds familiar to you, or you pluck it out of the air with such ease that you're not even sure where it came from, reevaluate it. Is this what you want to say, or is this what you've heard other people say?
3. When reading, test sentences for logic. Be very rigorous. Does that e-mail your boss sent really say something, or does it just seem to say something? Consider poor Miss South Carolina's phrase: "...so we will be able to build up our future." It kind of sounds like it could mean something, but does it really? How do you "build up" the future? Testing other people's language for bad logic is a good way to prevent doing the same thing in your own writing.
   
4. Be direct. When writing, think of how you would say something out loud, and base the way you write on how you speak. Obviously you don't always want to be very informal, but a lot of times people will try to sound more educated or eloquent or formal when they're writing, and end up just sounding silly. If you'd say, "Please call me as soon as you can," don't write, "When it is at your convenience, calling to update me on the status would be most appreciated." Write instead, "Please call with an update at your convenience."
   
5. Read what you've written out loud. This applies to an important e-mail to your boss or to a list of goals you've written for yourself. If it sounds awkward or vague out loud, it will come across that way to others and be of no help to you as you try to take the next step.

I promise that if you take care of your words, your words will take care of you.